Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
