I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
