Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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