the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
