Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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