He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
