thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
