Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
