Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
