I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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