Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
