i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
