While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
