Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
