I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
