That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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