I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
