people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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