I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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