: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
