I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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