I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
