I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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