the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
