I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
