bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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