well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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