Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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