This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
