Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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