I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
