...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
