When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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