then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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