sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
