you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
