So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
