NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
