Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
