friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
