I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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