You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You can't motorboat a personality
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
