I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
