she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
