What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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