Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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