Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
