I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
