I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
