we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
