I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
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