Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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