I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I had to cum in my sink.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
