when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
