96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Damn victory sex feels great
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
