i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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