I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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