I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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