Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
