i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
