I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
