I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
