I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
