he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
