dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
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Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
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We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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