Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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