my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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