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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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