I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
