is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
